I call Interference!

Work….what an ugly invention. I find it to be worse than the bra. It divides us, makes us separate, consumes all of our time. We should all unanimously quit our jobs to live our lives. (Well….it sounded better in my head) I miss my girlfriend. Sitting here in bed makes me miss her even more. I wish she could just come home to play a board game….or watch a movie….hell we could sleep so long as she was home. Today is an emotional day for me. Train wreck waiting to happen right here. Sometimes…..and don’t judge me!….I miss her so much, I lay on her side of the bed, with her pillows, because it smells like her. Let me tell you, she smells like home. (randomly home on the range is stuck in my head now)

These are days when I really appreciate all that she’s done and all that she is to me. She’s my partner, my best friend, my family, and my love of a lifetime. What more can anyone ask for? I’m really excited too, because this is our first Thanksgiving/holiday in our new home together! The family is coming to us, it’s so exciting. Again that work thing is going to mess it all up because I’m working 8pm that night, but we have the whole afternoon to hang out and enjoy our family in our new home.

Baby, I hope you know that you are my world and without you I cannot breathe. xoxo

 

-T.W.

Amidst the Chaos

Through trials and tribulations we earn our successions. In the ups and downs we learn who we are. Finding ourselves in precarious moments, D and I have risen above all that commands us. We take faith in each other straight to the very core of our existence. Without the hope that D so diligently holds fast to I may have fallen to a thousand pieces, unsure of myself. Her hope strengthens my will, it allows me to fend off fears of the unknown. So long as we stand side by side I know all things are possible in this life.

We have taken a large step into our future and chose our first home as a couple. It’s been an interesting search, but we have prevailed and now live in the most beautiful home I’ve ever lived in. Being biased has nothing to do with my feelings at all, I’m just sayin’. I cannot say that it hasn’t been a rough turn of events once we chose the house, me losing my job yet gaining two more….even if I still have not started the training for them, blowing through our savings faster than we thought possible, and of course trying to work on the house while managing a family of 6 all at the same time. But, together we accomplish everything, we can make it through anything. So we take the walk together and make it work. There’s no one I could see myself standing by in this life other than her. It’s as if all things are possible.

We are finally making it to the point where we are settled, plans are falling into place, and we are comfortable. There’s still a lot to work on but, we are having so much fun doing it. I wish I had photos to post of how cute we’ve made our home. It reflects us both quite nicely. Almost everything in here is something we’ve picked out together, which makes me even warmer inside than normal. We’ve started building a foundation to further our future. It elates me on many levels. Soon I’ll be back to the bump and grind of working woman life…..but it’ll be so much nicer to know I have such beautiful things to come home to at the end of the day….er uh morning. (midnights, lol)

It’s been a wild ride, baby, but I’m so glad it was with you. I’m looking forward to many more precious moments with you at my side.

-T.W.

Heaven

D & I have been on vacation since the 26th, and can I just say how amazing that has been? I don’t go back to work until July 5th….whaaaat! The original plan was to head up north to enjoy some peace and quiet, have a nice relaxing, affordable vacation. Well, those plans slipped through the cracks and we decided to stay home. The kids are spending this week off at their dads and we are going day to day. MJ’s birthday was a blast, we spent that at the water park before I had to surrender them to their father. Remember as a kid when you were able to run….and run….and play….but, never get tired??? Yeah, as an adult that really doesn’t happen. By 9pm I was ready for bed, and I mean falling asleep in the middle of sentences ready for bed.

Ah, but I digress…

After taking the kids to their dads, we were so excited  to have our first day of sleeeeeep. (Mind you we have been getting no sleep between work and home life) D ended up being awake at 9 the next morning!!! I slept in…of course. So, while we decided to stay home, this has probably been the funnest vacation I’ve ever had. I am being spoiled to capacity, and I’m loving every minute of it. My birthday was the 28th…..don’t ask me how old I am, just sayin’, and from D I got two pairs of beautiful diamond earrings!!! Studs and dangles that match our rings. =D <—-that’s my ear to ear grin. THEN when I thought that was it….JUST KIDDING!!!! We went out for the day to drive and mosey around, stopped at a new thrift shop….5 new books for T hehe, then off to Michaels. Clearance is my kryptonite, I was in heaven….buttons, sewing kits, appliques, and more. Yep, I filled a bag and my love was helping me stuff it. I’m already on cloud 9 at this point, I mean diamond earrings and craft supplies who wouldn’t be, the next stop is a surprise…so I’m greedily drinking my iced cap waiting with anticipation. New Skool Tattoos. Sign me up!!!!! She surprised me by getting us both a tattoo with our signature symbol. It was supposed to be our wedding present to us, and the fact that she was ready and willing to get it on my birthday practically brought tears to my eyes. Anything beyond that is a huge blur to me, I was floating….literally. This year was the best birthday I’ve ever had, I am so grateful to my gorgeous girl for making that happen for me.

Baby, thank you for all that you do and have done, I wish this vacation never had to end. I love you with my whole heart and soul. <3

 

–T.W.

Seraphic

The world has offered me another chance at happiness and I’m taking the life raft. In all my stubbornness I would usually push it to the side to swim ashore on my own. Guidance? Help? Psh. A different part of me would’ve laughed in the face of these silly words. Not just a giggle, a deep heartfelt laugh that thundered through the heavens. Eventually we all learn, right?

 

D and I have been on the right path this time, the not so straight and narrow. We are working so good together, it amazes  me to no end. I feel inspired, awed, lifted, free from worry. My sweet little muse has me feeling like I can do anything again. Like I can paint my soul into the world and leave true meaning behind. I’m not sure that she’s aware of how much she does for me, I don’t think she ever has been. It’s like when you’re a kid and learning how to read, all the symbols and configurations make no sense. Then you have some help, a guiding hand, some encouragement at your side, then all of a sudden these beautiful stories are formed and you can envision greatness. Everything comes together and makes perfect sense. Beautiful Revelations occur.

She instills a calmness into my life I have never experienced before. Like the calm before a storm of passion, its invigorating. We are a whirlwind of emotion, like a twister over water, forceful in our love. Looking destructive from a distance, but resulting in a beautiful scene of natural serenity. She is right in my heart at the core of my soul. I’m filled with a new meaning every time I look into her crystal blue eyes and see her lips curve up into a smile. My heart melts for her, my chest swells with pride, I feel so lucky to have her in my life.

Now it’s time to keep it that way. <3

 

–T.W.

 

Where the Heart is

This weekend has been the most amazing in months. Sunday we spent the whole day out at the park, on the water, taking pictures and playing in the sun. Monday, there was rain but, that did not stop us from having a good time! We ran in it, rolled in it, and played until we couldn’t feel our toes. Can you say Photo-op of the century? We busted out my DSLR each day, and let me just say I have over 400 pictures to go through and edit. =) Today, I think has been my favorite so far, although that is a tough decision to make after the past three. We cleaned the house and vegged in our Jama’s all day. Now we are relaxing on the porch, listening to music, playing online, editing photos, looking up books, and just being together. I think these are the best moments, when you know you can just be even without conversation or activity. The comfort of eachother’s presence is enough to bring happiness to the heart.

I know that it is still a long road until we get to where we were, once upon a time. But the journey there is amazing, and when we hit our destination, I know it will be so fulfilling on both ends. Until we get there, I’m going to fly with an open heart and a smile, enjoying every little thing life has to offer.

So in love <3

T.W.

In those Moments

I can feel myself wanting to pull back in moments of fear. It’s a test for the faith I’m putting into it….I know it is, so in those moments when I feel weak, I force myself to push against the grain. I fight to keep myself open, because it’s the only way I can win…I let myself feel hurt or scared at all costs, if only I could absorb hers too. If only I could still give her that shelter of protection, be the guard at her heart….the strength for her soul….the keeper of her tears.

If I could wrap up joy and laughter, I’d fit it into a box that had endless depth so that she would never run out. If I could paint her a picture, I would paint her the world at her fingertips. If I could make her feel my love for her, I would hold desperately on to her until it all seeped into her memory indefinitely.

If I could make her see me again, I would shine brighter than I ever have for her before.

Even if she doesn’t I won’t stop trying, I won’t stop fighting, I won’t stop standing at her side….

And when it hurts, when I want  to turn away, I’ll hold onto her memory because it keeps me facing the day, I will win for her. She was my Savior before, and now I will be hers.

Bear it to the World

A warrior never gives in, it’s what I’ve been taught. We stand tall to keep our ground safe…secure…untouched. Barriers are set, perimeters drawn, fenced, caged, barricaded. There’s always a purpose for the fight, or is it an excuse? Feral with fire, our fight becomes passionate….until we are softened with a touch, a kiss, a brush of sweet promise.

The heart is a funny thing.

Hardened by the battles of distance and fear, I’ve become a wild animal cornered. Waiting to lash out at any sudden movement I don’t agree with. Pride had taken  its place in my soul, preventing me from making any logical decisions…….then one day I woke up. I realized my battles, however much I believed in them, were the wrong battles. Fighting for my heart in all of the wrong ways has led me to somewhere I don’t want to be. When I was pushing I should have  been fighting for closeness.

It’s a flaw, my fear of emotion, my lack of voice. When I want to be heard, I made sure it was forceful and opinionated…anything that kept me from having to expose my heart. Anything to keep me from having to be vulnerable to feeling. Hardened hearts and deeper thoughts combining forces that worked against me in ways I never realized.

Until….one day….I woke up.

I woke up to a new meaning….a (gasp!) feeling. My chest swelled with meaning, hope, love…..all the feelings that were there before and I couldn’t show. So I put on a new paint now, I fight for a new purpose. I take all of the things that hurt and bottle them up as a reminder…I can’t go back there. They are hidden in a spot no one can find them, so that I don’t pull it back out to use as ammo. I lay my heart into her hands …bruised as it is, trusting her with it…trusting her to keep it safe. Naked and vulnerable as a baby, I lay my life into her hands in hopes for redemption. I’m bearing my soul to her in ways I’ve never known how, waiting for her to see me again, in all of my imperfections.

I’m a  fighter, and now I see what I should be fighting for….her. I’ll bear it all for the world to see….I’ll stand naked stripped of my armor to prove it….I’ll scream from a mountains, sing for the years, cry for all of her tears….I’ll bring her the sun, the moon, and the stars. I’ll stand by her side, fight all her battles, and hide her from harm……cradle her precious heart and care for it as if it was my own.

And now I journey, to bear it all…..for my world. <3

Hey, is it me your looking foooor?

I’m waiting on my love to get off of work…..again! I kind of hate this I work days, she works nights thing. I mean it seems like it’d be ok because I can do homework or read…..or something. But, do you know that I’m like a lost puppy when she’s not here!! Jumping out of my seat everytime my phone dings or vibrates…or lights up. *sigh* Sometimes, I wonder if she knows I’m like this. I can’t help it, I miss her and I love her and I want her right here….like literally right here on my lap in my arms.

She completes me <3

She should be here soon though!!! YAY!

I feel for her with so much intensity <3

–T.W.

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Waiting <3

It’s tough now that DW is working because she works mostly nights. I go to work before she’s up and she’s at work when I get off. I’ll tell you what’s fun though….anticipating her coming home! It’s like watching a suspense movie on the edge of my seat. WHEN WILL SHE BE HERE!!!!(except I suppose with a suspense movie it would be more like WHOS THE KILLER!!) Right now it is 10:05pm, they closed at 10 so she should be here any moment…I mean not really but that’s what I feel like. (OH it’s 10:06 now!!!!)

She usually calls or texts when she’s on her way home…..so of course everytime my phone goes off I’m all over it like white on rice. Yes, I realize I sound like a kid waiting for Christmas morning. But, she is my Christmas morning!! I don’t think she really knows how much she does for me, which is a shame. If she could feel what’s inside my heart she’d never have a care in the world. OOOOoooo a text….oh, nevermind, it’s not her. Boo.

Any moment now…..
I feel like my chest is going to burst!

Not so patiently waiting…—T.W.