.In a Nutshell.

I haven’t had the time or energy to write or blog. I don’t believe I have even had the emotion to do it. I can’t even keep up to date on the news in our never ending fight for equality. I have stressed so much over the things going on in my life that it’s draining me completely. My thought process has diminished. I forget what I’m doing all the time. I think I need a vacation. How do you think this will go over, “Excuse me life, I will be taking a leave of absence for about 2 weeks could you cut me some slack?”…….I think it’s a wonderful idea.

Lets see…..CHRISTMAS, was nothing short of amazing. We went to cut down a real tree which I have never done in my life. The kids loved it. We were worried about having a good christmas with all the money ish, and miracles happened. The kids had the best christmas of all and I didn’t have to do much for it. Satisfying.

My cousin came up from NOLA. Haven’t seen him in about 2 years give or take. It was so much fun. The only bad thing is now I remember why I missed him so much. I think I was starting to get over the shock of him leaving…….I mean so what if it was like six years ago. We’ve been together our whole lives!!!!! But I digress, it was an amazing two weeks.

New years eve was a not so quiet evening at home with my cousin and my love. Apparantly video cameras need to be banned from sober people….I’m just saying. I kissed the love of my life at midnight to bring in the new year. First time ever Usually I make the kids stay up and comfort my lonliness and we drink sparkling juice. Yes I can admit it, don’t judge me.

DW and I are amazing as always. We’ve had our ups and downs, but, who doesn’t? The only thing that matters is that they make us stronger and we come out with more love  than we had before. If that’s even humanly possible. I have even more conviction for us than I had before and I know that I’m on the right path and I have made the right decisions with our lives.

That’s the past month in a very small nutshell…..

-T.W.

Slacker

I have been slacking on my blogging duties completely. Mostly because DW is out of a job now so I try to steal all the time I can with her between school and my job. I’m completely greedy and I am not ashamed to admit it! We have been spending so much time together and I freaking love it!!!! All the chaos that has gone on this week is nothing when I have DW by my side.

 

I am so Happy with my life!!!! 

–T.W.

Epiphany

There was a fight last night. Not a horrible one….although to me any disagreement we have is awful. I can’t stand DW being upset. I totally find myself setting aside what ever made me upset because it kills me to see her in pain. I feel like an asshole. I start thinking that whatever made me upset was totally not a big deal. It got to the point where she was watching t.v. and I was listening to music with my headphones on. We didn’t talk and went to bed upset. I came so close to a panic attack, but that’s not really major since I get them incredibly easy. I won’t really go into the details because its dramatic and dumb. Her ex called last night and thats just been an ongoing thing between us. I don’t like that she still wants to be friends with her, DW thinks I don’t trust her.

So we have our two-hour discussion she put up her defense and so did I. Then I had a freaking epiphany. I figure that there’s no point in doing this argument anymore. DW is always going to want to be FB friend and I just don’t want to let it bother me anymore. I guess really I am just being selfish. But I think in most relationships there’s that one thing that kind of get in the way. Most people let it work its way in and that’s part of why marriages and relationships fail. Well I am to the point where I’m completely over it. I can’t let it get me so worked up anymore because I will start resenting DW and I do NOT want that. I won’t let this stupid thing interfere, because I know I’m not going anywhere and neither is DW. Why even make it an issue. Alls I want to do is be here for her and make her happy. Plus I don’t need to start working myself up over an issue like that. Some people think I’m letting myself be a doormat. I completely disagree. How is it when you see a relationship where two people are trying to compromise and do their best to make the other happy you’re a doormat suddenly. I think it makes you a stronger and better person to be able to say I’m letting it go because it’s not worth the struggle. Doesn’t that say a lot more about one’s character as a person? I think it does. Plus most people only get the short story and I’m always on DW’s side because I don’t really care to have that business out there. I think the last time I even said anything was 3 months ago. Wow we are coming up on 5 months….sorry that just popped in my head.

I think I had this thought out better in my mind last night when I thought about it but it’s coming out kind of repetitive. I just know that no matter what I love DW more than anything in my life and that’s all I care about. I’m not going to let us fall apart because of something ridiculous. It’s always the best feeling when you realize that something is just a waste of energy when it’s really not that big of a deal on a grandeur scale.

Now this is the time where we move on and put it all in a vault.

 

–T.W.

She’s so amazing…

So let me tell you about how amazing my fiance is!

First of all, TW is an amazing person inside and out, shes the best mother in the whole world, and the most loving person I have ever met. As if that was not enough, it gets even better. About a month ago she went back to work, at not only one job but two. Money has been tight lately and she see’s how stressed I am trying to take care of the family.  She went back to work after not working at all for almost 2 months. To top it off, shes also taking classes to be a phlebotomist, so she can get a better job to work towards going to nursing school. That may not seem that amazing to the average person, but TW loves being a stay at home mom, and I love her being that. The fact she is even taking on all this work says enough. Now with a busy schedule like that, you would think other things that I love would slack off. Well not with TW, I still get dinner soon as I walk in the door from work, she still finds time to write me my letter every Thursday, she makes sure the house is picked up so I dont have to clean so much and any opportunity I get to sleep in she lets me. Now I know it sounds like wtf does DW do around the house, I do a lot too. I make sure shes taken care of and I let her sleep every chance she can, but this is about TW, I just dont want you to think I am lazy and ungrateful, cuz wow I so am not. I appreciate that shes willing to put so much on her plate to take a little off mine. We are such a good team and we have a great system going here.  I could go one and on about the things she does for me but that would seriously take a lifetime, because there is nothing she doesnt do for me, plus the kids really wanna make cookies and they are waiting on me to finish this…lol.

Really, I just wanted to Blog about it to brag how amazing she is and how lucky I am to have her in my life. It is so amazing to find that one person that can complete you life in such a way that you never have to doubt that it will last forever and ever.

~DW

Hard day’s work paid off nice :D

Yesterday I was about in tears when I woke up in the morning. Another day of school and work. Not one second to sit. Granite I believe a lot of my problem was I was still very tired and alls I wanted to do was be with DW. If I wouldn’t have had drill this past weekend I may not have been so melodramatic. If this was about 3 years ago I would have ditched class and work to stay in bed all day. (yeah yeah I know) I even posted a whiney short blog about it. Poor me. You feel sorry now don’t you. Just kidding!

So let me tell you about my day. I dropped the kids off at my mothers and they were moving soooo slow I wanted to punt them in the door. I was running late, well my late is not 15 minutes early so technically I wasn’t running late but I digress. Alright I’m in class I do my classmates blood pressures and hang out before class starts. I actually had a very productive day. I flash carded all my medical terminology. I drew blood successfully twice. Which I was pretty damn proud about. I even did a successful readjustment. I learned about a butterfly needle which I wish weren’t so expensive because I would use that all the time. It’s so easy to use but generally only for small veins and children. I think that my instructor and one of the girls in class, WW, butt heads a little bit. WW is your world class southerner and proud, our instructor is kind of…..well…..snotty. For lack of a better term. They’re conversations are always full of tension and unspoken words. It’s kind of like watching Days of our Lives unfold right before your eyes. We got out of class about a quarter til.

I went to mothers got the babies, brought them home, tried to eat, clean and get ready for work all at the same time. I was literally in my apartment for 15 minutes tops. My bro came home and I was out the door to make it to work. Once again I was “my” late. I hate showing up with hardly any time to spare. I get there and there is five of us closing the store, not to bad since it was truck day. Except almost all of truck was done and we had a lot of cleaning to do. JW had the talk with me about straightening and blah blah blah. Well good thing I do my job, becuase I feel bad about leaving shit a mess for others. Well D left at 9, JW left early as well, I got slammed and could hardly do my closing duties let alone take care of my customers. It ended up being a mess. So naturally we bitched. The store ended up getting left a mess and it was ridiculous.

So then I call DW naturally and I’m complaining/talking/joking. She’s….well quiet. She’s like OOOOH I have a suprise for you. I was confused why she had to get off the phone to give it to me. Until I walked in the front door. Holy amazing hell!!!! All the lights were off in the house, candles were lit all over, and DW was lying on a blanket in the middle of the floor with nothing on except a bow thing around her neck. I hardly got the door shut before dropping everything in my hands and “unwrapping” my present. God I have the most amazing fiance!!! Mind blowing thats all I have to say. Yum. Then we talked a little bit before putting on the t.v. and going to bed. She decided after my whiney little blog that she would suprise me and give me what I wanted. She’s freaking awesome like that. I love her so god damn much I feel like I’m going to burst!

We should win couple of the millenium…..I’m just saying.

 

–T.W.

I wish I were a Hippie

Today is already going to be a difficult day. I’m sleepy with a headache, no cigarettes, still PMS’ing. I have class in an hour and I’m still sitting here trying to figure out if I want to hop in the shower or not. Class is done at 2 and then I have work at 3, which isn’t actually as bad as it sounds since I work at the job I like today. It’s the whole I don’t get off until 10 thing. I miss DW something freakin terrible. I feel like I never see her and when we are together we are both so tired we just lay in bed with the TV on. I’m going out of my head. grrrr.

I remember back in the day when I wouldn’t adhere to normalities and I was never in a million years going to work for anyone but myself. I wanted to write and draw and paint. Weeeelllll then came kids right. No one can be a hippie forever. Although my friend matt would love to…forever. lol.

 

Yep decided on a shower. peace

 

–T.W.

Some things just don’t mix

We are quiting smoking, I am PMS’ing, we’re having money issues…….I think thats enough said. Boo.

Good note…I have a new email and I love it. TMW_061809@live.com deep breath in and woooo saaaaaaah.

–T.W.

*Enter title here*

I meant to post something while I was away at drill this weekend but I just forgot. We had the most ridiculous weekend ever. The only thing that made it bearable was SS and TH. It’s a long story full of delicious roofies and exploding tits. I will elaborate some other time. I do not want to pee my pants right now. Altho right now one of them fuckers is reading this and peeing their pants most likely. Hah, that’s all I have to say, Hah. Found out SS was sleeping with a girl at some point in her life and shocked me. I don’t know if she knows about me….although I am assuming she does because TH knows. But the things you learn after about 5 cups of coffee.

The only thing good I can say is it went by fast. I only had to miss home for a second. Usually drill is long and drags on and on and on. Feels like I’m thier for years instead of days. I talk to DW all day and I miss her so much. Usually weekends are our days to kind of be alone and hang out together. So when I work 3 nights in a row then go to drill for 2 days it’s a little rough. I fucking miss her and I want to be with her always.

Ok so I just wanted to post because I haven’t in a few….wow in a while. I have no intelligent conversation or thoughts or gushy lovey dovey stuff. But I am still alive, in case you were wondering.

 

–T.W.

Pros and Cons?

I love you DW, I can’t stop thinking. So I’m going to write.

So DW was told a long time ago that she couldn’t have kids because of a folic acid deficiency she has. Google it, I’m not going to explain why that makes a difference. So we’ve talked about us having a baby together and me carrying him. (yes we’re crazy, but I love kids) The problem is we have to do insemination because my tubes are tied. Not such a big deal we just need the money for it right. So for a while that was the plan and we had a timeline and everything. I for sure want to finish nursing school first. That way we can be very stable with both of us in decent money-making jobs. After all one more will make six.

Well, DW had an appointment with her OB/GYN and she was asking some question we were wondering about. Like tubal reversal and all that. He proceeds to tell her that he’s fairly positive that if she takes her meds regularly and does everything he tells her he can get her pregnant and carry to full term. Wow, so now there’s a lot more to think about. DW wants nothing more than to have a baby, I’m quite partial to it myself. I find myself tossing it around in my head daily. There are risks and I’m not sure that I fully understand all of them but the biggest one is not carrying. I know I can be her rock if anything goes bad but I don’t know if I want to put her through that or take even the slightest chance of it. It would hurt so much for both of us. But if we can be more than positive than I think we’ll be ok. I know I would want to be able to take care of our family financially before we tried because I wouldn’t have her working….at home or a job. I would cater to her every need and make everything as easy for her as possible. It’s scary to think about and I’m giving DW time to think about it on her own and decide, because ultimately this is her body and her decision. We have lots of time but there is also a lot to think about.

I would love to see her pregnant, selfishly. I’ve had four kids I know what it’s like to be on that side of the fence. What I want is to be on the “daddy” side. I want to put lotion on her belly and rub her feet. I’d go out and get her whatever she’s craving at any time of day or night. I want to talk to the baby in her stomach and read books to him. (I keep saying him because I want a boy lol) I could drive her to all her appointments and make sure she never has to do anything. I would give her all the care and love she deserves and that I never had. If she ever got put on bedrest….that’s exactly where she’d stay, in bed. If I have work I’ll get a babysitter and have mom or KT come over with her. God I would cater to her every need. The biggest thing I want and I’ve always wanted is to cut the cord. I would’ve with L but I was exhausted and didn’t. I want to see her face when he comes out and they set him on her chest. It’s so amazing, I want her to have all that and experience it all. I want to be there for her through it all and give her everything she could possibly want or need. So that’s all my selfishness right there.

Do I think we should do it? I have no freaking idea. It scares the hell out of me. That one fact scares the hell out of me and I don’t know if I can chance it. If I can put her through that part of it. Would it be easier to say I’ll do it, oh hell yes. It’s so touchy I don’t know where to go with it. I want to make her happy but some things are risky….like this. Will I be a nervous wreck on the inside if we do it, yup probably. If we did do it I wouldn’t want to tell anyone until we knew for sure it was ok. I can’t see putting any other person through it too if it happens. Of course that’s up to DW. This is her call. I just have a lot of it on my mind. Especially whenever I watch something where a family is having a baby, it hits me in the gut. Shhhh that’s kind of secret. Lol. I love her so much.

 

–T.W.

Love in Difference

DW and I have so many differences but they compliment each other so well. Sometimes couples are jealous or there’s too much competition involved in their relationship. Save that for siblings. I look at DW and all the things she’s done and can do and I’m proud. I love those things about her. I love that when she talks about something and I’m clueless I can learn from her and understand her better. She’s so good at running a business and managing finances. Don’t get me wrong I can pay bills and budget but my budgets are don’t spend money and you’ll have rent. I get lucky, she can make it happen. She can do work around the house patch holes and put stuff together…I can uh, put pictures in picture frames and color coordinate. She’s so organized and precise, I can organize in a mess like that pile of papers on the left has this months bills and under it is schoolwork. She makes sure laundry is done twice a week…I wash what we need for the week. Although I guess that would be different if I had my own washer lol. She’s all the logic, and I’m…well different. I can draw and paint, I like crafts and art and I’m good at it. I have stay at home mom syndrome. I am incredibly creative and artsy. Don’t get me wrong I do my best at all the other stuff when I have to but with us together we team up and meet in the middle. It works out quite amazing.

She thinks she’s not as romantic as me because I’m all artsy and gushy. But when she’s off, she cooks dinner and gives me a break. If I fall asleep because I’m exhausted she takes care of the kids and lets me rest. When I am stressing out or upset she holds me and tells me it’s all going to be alright. I have horrible nightmares occasionally and if she can tell I’m having one she will wake me up gently and take care of me if she can’t. She does everything she can to let me know she loves me. She writes 700 page letters about all the things she loves about me. Every month I get a fake flower to add to my collection (that comes from the first dozen roses that had a fake flower and said i will love you till the last one dies). I have never felt so sure of anything in my entire life and all of that is romantic to me. I appreciate all of it and I notice it all.

It’s important to realize whats good when you have it and never let go and I won’t ever let go. Not in a million years.

 

–T.W.